Thursday, January 22, 2015

Unwanted resentment

I am tired. Id like to go to sleep, but I am in such an irritated mood! I don’t even try to sleep when I am grumpy. Because I will inevitanbly lay there and get more irritated. Back when I would simply pass out from wine I never had that problem. But screw that fix! And if I were drinking, I wouldn’t be irritated tonight. But screw that too! I won’t be drinking, just venting on here. And thank you for that! So tonight what set me off is quite simple really. But my raw, sober and wide open new self just doesn’t know how to process all these feelings! So the President came to town. *I had no feelings about that* but my husband, is responsible for radio communicarions for this big event. Yes, big kudos to him. He is awesome. But this meant he worked all weekend and on a holiday and very late, because of course the pres is a last minute visitor! Anyway… the pres came in and went out and everything went brilliantly and my husband is awesome, and then he came home with cat litter and cat food and the tea I asked for….. and beer. And watching him email excitement and share photos and drink his beer one after the other… pissed me off. And my resentment pisses me off. My sobriety is a choice for me. It is for me, and I don’t need or want to force anyone onto my journey. Keep in mind, my husband is a “normie” and he had every reason to celebrate. If I could put any legit feeling to it, I guess it would be, I felt left out. I don’t celebrate with alcohol anymore. So now I just wish to cut him some slack, get over it and move along… but he is snoring! *end rant* thanks for listening.

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