Squirrel!!

Well son of a gun! I think I know at least one reason that I drank. Seems this mind of mine is a very busy place. I think my three year old has the right words for it..."pew pew pew!" (insert fake gun) It is a bit like the fourth of July up in my head. Here comes a beautiful thought, boom, pow, where did it go? Squirrel!
One of the mantras that has become a favorite of mine on this journey, is "what is the point?" Meant to refer to drinking. As in, after that first lovely glass of wine, when you move on to many more, and never even get a buzz, when you only seem to be getting fat and miserable, what is the point? That question seemed quite easy for me to answer, and that saying has gotten me through some tough spots. If I take that saying even further, it gets me to my thinking. What is the point? A sober mind is full of them! Holy hell it is a virtual factory of ideas! A busy nonstop place. But very unfocused! What to do with it? Today I plugged in the headphones, streamed some Pandora and reorganised the kitchen. All the while trying to focus even one complete thought. My station of choice? Love songs. hmmm....what is up with that I wonder... I think, it is me trying to love me, me trying to get over loving wine, (they play breakup songs too) and me trying to love my life and all those in it. Well that thought just came from nowhere, but that is the point for me, of this whole blog. A place to focus. A place with less squirrels! My friend told me that a dark room, lotus position and a candle would have me seeing squirrels. Said it scared the hell out of her! Well although that sounds incredibly exciting *wink* I don't think I need to conjure more squirrels. Fuckers are everywhere already. But I suppose without all of my random thoughts, I wouldn't catch the gems. So today, I am focused on my mind. I am trying to get in there and take an inventory. The one clear thought that I have from this effort today is this....get ready for random..... My head is completely full of experiences. It is completely full of DRUNK experiences. Drinking memories. Wine memories.  Of course not all have alcohol in them, but in the experiences category, the vast majority do. So... the big thought for the day is this, I need a new reference library up in my head. The old one is out dated. Of course, you can't build a library of SOBER experiences over night. But it is a new goal. Something that I actually look forward to. Replacing the wine soaked books in my head with new ones. Filling the spaces with memories of the sober me.

                                                   ~Rae

P.S. The first song that popped on after I wrote this blog? Without You. HAHAHAHA!
And I think the wine rack would make a lovely towel holder! Squirrel!! xoxo