Melancholy.
When something just isn't right, that is the emotion I feel. I guess not being able to figure it out and fix it, regardless of what it is, makes me sad. Disconnected comes in a close second. Things just aren't right.
The next thing seems to be that I become an ass hole. I know, you can't imagine it. I have no patience when things are hectic. I have no patience for disconnected relationships. Oh hey... maybe that is it...
Seems the only constant in life is yourself. But when "yourself" has been changing in so many new and sober ways, and you add that to the loss of loved ones, the end of friendships, changes in the harmony of your marriage, challenges with your children, and the world as it is... melancholy.
I feel a great amount of work needs to be done. I know I can only work on me, but I'm seeing a need. A first step I suppose in making sure that whatever this is, stops right now.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Observations and Affirmations
Year two in the books! Happy Anniversary to me. That is about all I have to say about me. Almost.
Year one was totally about me. Rewiring my brain to unplug all of the bullshit that society had programmed into it took some effort. I won't lie. Drown your sorrow, celebrate your victory, unwind after work, relax, lunch date, dinner date, picnic, pool party, game day, vacation, holidays, milestones, set backs, busy mind, empty mind, EVERYTHING requires booze. Or so society and pretty much everyone I know thinks. eh hum...BULLSHIT...eh hum.
Year two was observation that led to affirmation. I have never, and I mean NEVER had someone tell me that the bottle of wine they drank to numb the pain actually took it away. I have watched people celebrate only to see them end the night early after too much "fun". I have heard endless complaints of health issues. Beer guts, chubby tummies, diarrhea every day, swollen this and bloated that. Insomnia, lethargy, depression. I had it all and I've heard it all. You can't con a con. It's the booze!
So year three starts with me saying, I am stronger than ever, and hoping that more people will quit using a bottle or can to accomplish life. Because, life really is so much better without it!
Year one was totally about me. Rewiring my brain to unplug all of the bullshit that society had programmed into it took some effort. I won't lie. Drown your sorrow, celebrate your victory, unwind after work, relax, lunch date, dinner date, picnic, pool party, game day, vacation, holidays, milestones, set backs, busy mind, empty mind, EVERYTHING requires booze. Or so society and pretty much everyone I know thinks. eh hum...BULLSHIT...eh hum.
Year two was observation that led to affirmation. I have never, and I mean NEVER had someone tell me that the bottle of wine they drank to numb the pain actually took it away. I have watched people celebrate only to see them end the night early after too much "fun". I have heard endless complaints of health issues. Beer guts, chubby tummies, diarrhea every day, swollen this and bloated that. Insomnia, lethargy, depression. I had it all and I've heard it all. You can't con a con. It's the booze!
So year three starts with me saying, I am stronger than ever, and hoping that more people will quit using a bottle or can to accomplish life. Because, life really is so much better without it!
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